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I finally gave up with an irritated groan, failing to stimulate myself as the man had. I ripped my hand from my pussy with a startled gasp, realising that a yearning had been awoken in me. “Damn it, Anna! He raped you, you can't desire more!” I hated myself for the hunger that burned under my skin, even as I scolded myself I yearned for him to take me again.After getting dressed in a pair of jeans and a panda tank top, I sat cross legged on my bed, hugging my kitty pillow as I dialled my dad's number. The phone buzzed against my ear, panic slowly growing in my chest. “Anna, how are you baby girl?” The strong voice of my dad filtered through my phone speaker, causing an immediate rush of emotion to bloom in my chest. A tear fell down my cheek as I hesitated, and finally replied in a trembling voice. “Daddy?” The line was silent for a moment as I heard an intake of breath, “Baby girl, what happened?” His concerned voice held a desperate tone as he waited for my reply, the faint voice. I can't help but hope itnever will.Feb. 13,2001I'm writing this from the boat going downriver. I am going home, except Ifeel more like I'm leaving home, leaving the child I suckled and herbeautiful mother. I've cried so much today my head aches. Ellayon kissedme. Chiacl told me that, wherever I go, we will be sisters forever. Feb. 15, 2001I arrived back in Manaus today. Seems so Western, so unreal, so noisy. Iwonder if I'll ever really be at home in the modern worldagain. Absolutely everybody takes me for a woman now, and this beingLatin America, there were some wolf whistles and such. I hardly noticedthat, though, through the culture shock. I don't even feel like I'm thesame species as these people; who cares what sex I am?I have to admit, the shower at the hotel room was quite a delight. Butthe mirror in the bathroom I had thought I wouldn't really look at myselfin the mirror until I felt ready, but I caught a glimpse of myself and hadto stare. Looking at myself, I.
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